Now I've heard it all...

http://www.wltx.com/news/story.aspx?storyid=73684&catid=2

Just click, and then read, and then come back to me.

Read it? Okay, then! Really?!?!?!? I mean, I've had my fair share of customers who I thought about shooting, or maybe stabbing, but I've never actually DONE IT!! This article made me laugh out loud. I can see how the situation progressed, in my mind. I think that this is a result of the erroneous notion that the customer is always right. In reality, the customer is rarely right, sometimes they're not even in the ballpark. Too many people have an over-inflated sense of entitlement, and they persist in flaunting it in public. I feel like it's my duty to deflate their sense of self-importance, even if it's just a little bit.
So here are my rules for proper customer behavior whilst dining in public:

1: Having money does not make you better than your server. If anything, it makes you dependent on your server to feed you, since you aren't at home cooking for yourself.
2: If you have particular needs, please make them known to your waitstaff prior to ordering. This will allow us to tailor your order to those needs.
3: DO NOT snap you fingers, shake an empty glass, yell "Hey you!", or in any other way summon your server as if she was your lap dog. She is not, and her bite is WAY worse than her bark.
4: Think before you speak or act. If you wouldn't do it/say it in front of your grandmother, you probably shouldn't do it in front of your server. Remember, this is your only chance to make a good impression; you don't want to be "that guy."
5: Please and thank you are not endangered species. Use them often.
6: Eye contact is one way to let someone know that you are listening to them. Staring at her breasts is NOT a way to let someone know you're listening.
7: Servers have LONG memories. We will remember every slight, every bit of attitude, every nasty thing that you do or say. We will share those stories with our waitstaff friends. We know everyone in the business. Your hatefullness will spread faster than the swine flu. Don't be "that guy."
8: We don't care who you think you are. In the dining room, the waitstaff are the most important people. We are the emissaries that tread the DMZ that is the kitchen, and we are doing it for you. Unless you would like to risk your life walking back into the kitchen to get your food, realize that every trip we make is into hostile territory, and should be rewarded with combat pay.
9: Ifyou do not believe in tipping, which is your right, do not frequent full-service restaurants, unless you are picking up a carry-out order. You are not proving a point, you are not bucking the system, you are not speaking out for under-paid servers; you are being a cheap-skate tightwad, and the only person that you are hurting is your poor server. You think that servers should be paid a higher hourly wage? Take your fight to Congress, not your favorite dining establishment.
10: And last, but not least, if you truly do have a miserable experience when you go out, and it happens all the time, no matter where you go, then perhaps you should consider the possibility that it's not them, it's you. You might be the kind of person that no one on God's green Earth can make happy. And if that's true, perhaps you should stop inflicting your misery on the hapless staff of whichever establishment you choose to frequent. I'm just saying. Maybe it's YOU.
That's my philosophy. I think that dining out would be much more enjoyable if we all followed the rules.